WHEN PARENTS TOTALLY LOSE PERSPECTIVE
A mother is watching her college-aged daughter, C, now a senior, play in a championship doubles match. Mom is hanging onto the fence directly behind the court as if it's the only thing preventing her from being swept away by a strong wind. She has been yelling and screaming, at times inappropriately, in response to the rise and fall of the match and her daughter's fortune.
After a very long rally, C was hit a soft ball just inside the baseline. She then wound up and absolutely crushed a forehand straight at her opponent who was standing at the net. The ball was hit so hard that her opponent had no time to even react. The ball smacked the girl right in the face, near her eye and she went down like a ton of bricks!
A hushed silence fell on the court and then everyone started running to the fallen girl's aid including her coach and the opposing team's coach. And then the silence which followed was suddenly shattered by a lone woman yelling, "YEAH C!!!! GREAT SHOT BABE!!!! WAY TO GO!"
Yup!, You guessed it! That was dear old mommy! Excuse me, but is there something a little wrong with this picture? You mean, winning the point and possibly the game with that shot wasn't the most important thing here? Are you trying to tell me that it actually mattered that C's opponent might have been hurt? C'mon, you're kidding me, right?????!!!!!!
This is a horrifying example of how some parents are so distracted by their own selfish needs and so corrupted by needing to win that they have totally lost touch with reality and what is right and decent! What kind of sick, twisted lesson does this kind of parental behavior communicate to kids?!!!! What kind of lesson does this teach about the process of competing? You mean it doesn't matter HOW you win or WHAT YOU DO to win. It only matters that you win?!!! It doesn't matter if you injure your opponent just as long as you can come out on top in the end?
Hey, this is the same exact thing that goes on when a kid cheats! When a parent sits and watches their child compete, yet says nothing when that child is obviously cheating, the message being communicated is pretty much the same: The only thing that's counts here is winning. Honesty, sportsmanship, respect for both the rules of the game and the opponent and integrity are totally unimportant!
Thankfully this woman's behavior had already been reported to the tournament director and shortly after that he had a little "chat" with the individual. After that she wasn't heard from and only seen watching from a distance, a good five or six courts away from the action!
There is absolutely no room and no excuse for this kind of outrageous and destructive behavior in competitive sports of any kind!!!!
Let's be realistic here.
Thanks for this perspective
Thanks for this perspective because it truly highlights the state of competitive sports, academics and other performance endeavors today. There's no question that there is tremendous pressure to win. Unfortunately, this pressure has driven coaches, athletes and parents to myopically focus on this outcome to the exclusion of so many other critical factors in the process. Winning has become the ONLY thing that matters and how one gets there, who one is as a person and how one conducts themselves as a citizen in the community and world gets totally lost. As a result of this pressure, parents and athletes sell their integrity, character and sense of fair play down the river. This is exactly why cheating is so rampant in so many highly competitive youth sports. This is why Division I scholarship hopefuls and DI athletes cheat on their exams. This is why they and professional athletes use steroids. This is why coaches show blatant favoritism. This is why coaches emotionally abuse young athletes, totally abandoning their true role as an educator of our young. Because their distorted version of "WINNING" justifies this kind of behavior.
How one plays the game. how one conducts themselves during it and who one is in terms of character and integrity may be old fashion, but these are the things that REALLY count in sports and in life. Winning and getting the big trophy and contract through cheating, cutting corners and poor sportsmanship does NOT make you a winner! It makes you a cheater and a flawed human being. When and if you ever have the courage to take an honest look at yourself in the mirror, the only thing that you will really be able to see is someone who compromised their ethical and moral fiber to reach what is now a truly meaningless goal.
And it's for this reason that I beg to differ with you. People DO care about sportsmanship, honesty and fair play. People DON'T look at the cheater and poor sport as a winner. They look at him/her as a cheater and a poor sport! How you play the game DOES count because when it comes right down to it, this is really the only important thing that matters!
The other key issue that many parents and coaches don't really understand is that all of this over-focus on winning completely distorts the true purpose of youth sports. When in the hands of appropriate adult educators, competitive sports are a wonderful vehicle to teach our young how to become good citizens in the world and how to ultimately become successful later on as adults. Sports should be about teaching life and social skills as well as the skills of the game, NOT just about winning and getting the big trophy!
Please understand that I'm NOT saying here that YOU personally condone any of these inappropriate or unethical behaviors. What I am saying is that an atmosphere where good sportsmanship and fair play are thrown out the window and the only thing that matters is winning, is an atmosphere that ultimately corrupts our children. It breeds dishonesty and a lack of integrity. And, ironically, all of this pressure to win interferes with an athlete's learning process and creates performance problems.