There are a lot of “coaches” out there who don’t have CLUE ONE about how to really coach! These individuals consistently do far more damage to young people than they do good. They tear down self-esteem rather than building it up. They create an extremely unsafe learning environment for their athletes. They use fear, humiliation and demeaning, disrespectful behaviors as “teaching” tools. They are emotionally and sometimes (indirectly) physically abusive. They directly and indirectly pressure athletes to continue to play when injured. They regularly kill the fun and passion that their athletes once had for the sport. These coaches have lost their way and strayed terribly far from the true mission of coaching.
You’re NOT a good coach when you call an athlete out in front of the team and tell that athlete, “You absolutely suck! You’re the worst short-stop, quarterback, setter, forward, keeper, etc. that I have ever seen!” How is this kind of a comment constructive? Does it help a child understand exactly what he/she is doing wrong and what they need to do to fix it and improve? How does it help a child learn? Does it motivate an individual to want to work even harder to improve? Does it help that individual feel good about themselves?
You’re NOT a good coach if you think that your most important job as a coach is to win games. I don’t care what kind of pressure to win that you face from the administration. If winning is your primary goal as a coach you have significantly lost your way and as a consequence, you’ll actually win less! Your mission as a coach is to teach young people and help them grow as individuals so that they become better people in the world, both on and off the field. There are far more important things at stake here than whether a kid wins or correctly learns the x’s and o’s. Good coaches teach their athletes how to be better people in the world and they use their sport as nothing more than a vehicle for this teaching. The winning and losing outcomes are completely secondary to the teaching of valuable life lessons (playing as a team and sacrificing individual needs for the betterment of the team, handling adversity & failure, mastering fear & obstacles, working hard towards a faraway goal, learning to believe in yourself, being a good sport, playing by the rules, etc.)
You’re NOT a good coach when you place the outcome of a competition in front of the physical and emotional welfare of your players. If you pressure your athletes to play when injured or if you demean and ignore those athletes who are too injured to play, then you are engaging in physical abuse. Encouraging your athletes to play hurt so that the team can win is reckless behavior for you as a coach. When you do this you are directly putting your players at risk. You are NOT teaching them to be mentally tough! Playing through pain is NOT a sign of strength. That is a ridiculous MYTH! Instead, it’s completely ignoring your body’s early warning signs that something is very wrong.
You’re NOT a good coach when you allow players on your team to scape-goat and/or demean each other. Good coaches create a safe learning environment. There is nothing safe about being on a team where teammates regularly criticize and yell at each other. There is nothing safe about being on a team when you are picked on or ostracized by your teammates. It’s the coach’s responsibility to set very clear limits to prevent these kinds of “team busting” behaviors. There should be no place for them on a winning team.
You’re NOT a good coach when you play favorites. Good coaches treat their athletes fairly. They don’t operate with two different sets of rules, i.e. one for the “chosen few” and one for the rest of the team. Coaches who play favorites go a long way towards creating performance disrupting dissension on their squads.
You’re NOT a good coach when you tell your athletes that under no circumstances are they ever to tell their parents what really goes on in practice, and that if they do, they are being disloyal and disrespectful to their teammates coach and the program! Coaches who tell their athletes these kinds of things are terribly misguided and are trying to hide something. What they’re trying to do is hide is their abusive behaviors! Telling kids not to ever tell their parents is what child abusers tell their victims!
You’re NOT a good coach when you treat your players with disrespect. I don’t care what your won-loss record is or how many championships you’ve won in the past. When you treat preadolescent and adolescent athletes disrespectfully you are NOT a good coach. Great educators don’t teach in this manner. They value their students and make them feel that value, both as learners and individuals. Your position and reputation should not determine whether you get respect from your team. What does determine whether people respect you is how you ACT! Your behavior is what’s paramount. Good coaches earn their respect from their players on a daily basis, over and over again based on how they conduct themselves and how they interact with their athlete and everyone else associated with the program. If you think that you’re too important to earn respect, then you are distinguishing yourself as a bad coach!
You’re NOT a good coach when you don’t “walk the talk.” What you say to your players means nothing if it doesn’t come from who you are as a person. Simply put, your words have to closely match your behaviors. Great coaches are great role models in that they teach through their behaviors. They don’t operate on a double standard where it’s OK for them to act one way but hold their athletes to a different and higher standard of behavior. If you as a coach teach through the maximum, “do as I say, NOT as I do,” then you have distinguished yourself as a poor coach.
You’re NOT a good coach when you refuse to take responsibility for your behavior, when you refuse to own your mistakes and instead, blame others for them. The mark of a great educator is that they present themselves as human. They do not let their ego get involved in the more important task of teaching. Therefore when something goes wrong, they are quick to own their part in it. Good coaches take responsibility for their team’s failures and give their team and athletes full responsibility for successes. Bad coaches blame their athletes for losses and take the credit for the team’s successes.
You’re NOT a good coach when you play “head games” with your athletes. If you talk behind their backs, play one athlete off against another or are dishonest in your interactions with your players then you are doing nothing constructive to help your players learn and grow as athletes and individuals. Telling a player one thing and then turning around and doing exactly the opposite is not how you go about effective coaching. For example, promising a player more playing time if he/she does A, B and C, and then keeping them on the bench after they do everything you’ve just asked of them is a game that will kill your athlete’s love of the sport, crush their spirit and destroy their confidence. This is not how great coaches motivate their players!
Questions? I want to hear from you!