Democrats! Republicans! Blue! Red! I’m totally fed up with both of them! Our country is in some serious hot water and what are they doing? Telling everyone who’ll listen what’s wrong with their opponents and why you shouldn’t vote for them! They are not focusing on their game. They are not concentrating on their performance. They are not elaborating on their strengths. Their strategies, energies and attention totally revolve around making their opponent look bad to the public. It seems that both parties’ major approach is to focus on the other’s supposed weaknesses. What each says about the other is never burdened by deep waves of thought or the truth! In politics it seems that the truth is easily disposable just as long as the “facts” that get presented make their opponent appear either stupid and/or evil. The politician’s modus operandi: The end always justifies the mean! WHAT IF SPORTS CONDUCTED ITSELF THIS WAY?
So the big game is coming up in 8 weeks and both teams are feverishly practicing in order to field the best combinations of players possible. On November 4th they’ll take the field to determine who is the true champion of the universe. The Red team has some of the most talented athletes in the game and they’re hoping to make a statement with their play as to who deserves to be numero uno! The Blue team, not to be outdone, are hoping to shock their crimson-tinged rivals and steal the championship for themselves. They may not have the outstanding young talent of the Red team, but they have great coaching and more experience.
The Red team was recently interviewed on network sports and claimed that their opponents are “underhanded cheaters.” When asked by the network sports anchor to explain what they meant by that comment, the Red captain explained, “You know what I mean….They never tell the truth, haven’t from the day they were born….they lie like a rug and you can’t trust them!” When asked once again for specific examples, the Red captain said, “We have confirmed sources, good honest people, who have told us over and over again that they are always cutting corners with the rule book, cheating when no one is looking, and fabricating the score so that they appear to be ahead!” When the interviewer countered with the comment that because of instant replay and game officials, it’s now impossible to cheat in that way, several of the Red team members piped up, “they can still get away with it..you do know that in their practices they even dress pigs up and put lipstick on them! We know this for a fact.” Exasperated, the TV sportscaster asked how the Red team’s practices were going. The Red team coach answered: “Practice? You talking about Practice? Hell, son, we don’t have time for practice. Don’t you know that there’s a big game coming up? We are far too busy gathering smut on those blue boys to practice! I just can’t believe you asked me that! PRACTICE?! Shoot son, are you a complete idiot or did you just simply bang your head pretty hard this morning?!”
Things didn’t seem to be going much differently with the Blue team’s training. The entire team was either at the library or on the internet feverishly doing research on the backgrounds of their Red opponents. “Hey coach, I found something really great here on one of the Red lineman. It says here, that in 3rd grade, he once spoke back to a teacher! Do you believe that?” “Good job Biff” exclaimed the coach, “We can make that read, “He beat up his thrid grade teacher and was suspended from school for two years and spent 18 months in juvenile detention! That is excellent research!” “Yo coach! I got something else” exclaimed a wiry speedster. “It says here that the Red’s captain got his Eagle rank as a boy scout!” “PERFECT!” yelled the Blue coach, “We can get that to read that the kid was thrown out of the boy scouts for running a kiddie porn ring! Men, I don’t know how you do it, but you’re all making me proud. We are going to play some good ball come November 4th!” ….
“Ah,…Excuse me coach, but can I ask a really stupid question?” piped up a second stringer. “Sure Mac, what is it?” “Well coach, I don’t know quite how to put this but, if we’re going to play some good ball, shouldn’t like we be physically practicing? You know, running plays out on the field, working on our offense and defense?”
The Blue coach turned RED and couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Mac! You’re 100% right son! That is a REALLY stupid question! Why should we be practicing? How dumb can you get boy?! You see, that’s why you’re not starting for us son! Don’t you get it? We are practicing boy! We are working on our offense and defense. We are practicing the MOST IMPORTANT PART of this contest. If you can’t win the propaganda game, you flat out LOSE! If you can’t make your opponent look bad, then why bother playing?”
